Sherlock Gnomes – If you’re looking for something on demand this week or weekend to occupy the kids you will come across this little animated film, the follow up to Gnomeo And Juliet. I’m still sitting here scratching my head, wondering how this film got made. Produced by Elton John’s Rocket Films, the first film was a tediously bland retelling of a classic infused with all your favorites from his catalogue. The weird part is it’s the rehashing of a classic TRAGEDY, something I always felt was weird. Well, this time we have Johnny Depp reaching for a paycheque in this mystery feature the world’s greatest garden gnome detective in a sequel that manages to out bland the last one. Seriously, enough to make me almost fall asleep in a theater filled with energetic children.
The Happening – Aside from The Last Airbender, this is probably the lowest of the lows for M. Night Shyamalan, released ten years ago today. What the hell happened with this movie? Mark Wahlberg plays a high school science teacher in the midst of a worldwide phenomenon of everyone just deciding to off themselves and, oh boy, what a mistake. Wahlberg was even confused by the casting himself, only taking it because he wasn’t a cop or criminal. The film largely feels like Shyamalan trying to deliver a backhand to society for choking out the earth because, spoiler alert, the plants were killing us! In the end, it all just became a large joke directed right at the struggling writer and director.
Hollywood Homicide – Remember this one from fifteen years ago, the film made with two actors who couldn’t stand each other even for a moment? If anything, this is the only thing that this Ron Shelton buddy cop film will be thought of for. According to Josh Hartnett, he and Harrison Ford were so unhappy with each other’s presence that they would spend hours in awkward silence on set. This did not make the movie entertaining at all as we had a bland and formulaic story with stale leads that had zero charisma together and this is coming from a Ford fan. Heck, I’d watch Morning Glory over this garbage again. But not Crystal Skull. Never Crystal Skull.
Steve Stebbing 