With all the movies out there, some of them surely have to be terrible. My job is to make sure you don’t waste any time on them so here are my dumpster fires this week:
1. Father Figures – I know I brought up this movie last week for my little rant about terrible photo shop but I have now gotten a look at what’s in the box and, folks, it’s not pretty. The film is centered around Ed Helms and Owen Wilson as two fraternal twin brothers who find out at their mother’s wedding that the man they believed to be their father was not, sending them on a road trip to track down the real one. The problem is that their mother, played by Glenn Close, was quite promiscuous at the time of their conception, making the search that much more difficult. If that lazy premise still has you intrigued, let me dispel that by informing you that the laziness doesn’t stop there. Wilson and Helms both rely on what their known for, the former’s “Oh Wow” bewilderment and the latter’s uptight nature, as well as constant “your mom’s a slut” jokes. Leave this one in the Walmart bargain bin, friends.
2. T.J. Miller – Is it even alright to say you enjoy this guy’s comedy anymore because it feels like he throwing every roadblock at us to be an absolute pariah. Now, I’ve been a fan of Miller for years. His stand-up comedy is hilarious, plus his memorable turns in Extract, She’s Out Of My League and Our Idiot Brother all made him someone to look forward to no matter how large or small his role was. It’s hard to believe when you look at him in Deadpool that he started as the cameraman Hud in Cloverfield and now I can’t even make any Erlich Bachman Silicon Valley jokes without thinking about his sexual harassment allegations, his general terrible attitude reported on the set of that aforementioned HBO series and this new bit of information about him calling in a fake bomb threat. Seriously, I should have completely wrote him off when he praised his film The Emoji Movie.
3. The I Feel Pretty trailer – Now, this one doesn’t actually apply to the film, as I haven’t seen it yet, but directly at the Cineplex theater chain as well as the film distributor, eOne. The story is that a father in Langley brought his 9-year-old daughter to a Saturday matinée of the wholesome sports film The Miracle Season, a G rated film in Canada. Prior to the film, a trailer for the new Amy Schumer movie ran, one that is rated PG-13 for sexual content, partial nudity and language. This also includes a wet t-shirt contest that appears in the trailer. Now, this certainly seems like a total mistake by a rushed studio trying to get eyes on their film. The trailer will be removed from any other screening of The Miracle Season but the method in which the outrage snowballs is due to the echo chamber that is the internet. This is a small snafu that could have been resolved quietly but instead it blew up big enough to be a feature story on news sites in the lower mainland. That’s kind of ridiculous. The only other real problem I have with this dad is that he also took some offense to a trailer for the new film On Chisel Beach, which has a far more progressive message but that’s a rant for another dumpster fire.